


Ocean's Call

by RedactedReader



Series: Zuko's Interactions With Spirits [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Banished, Spirits, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23666686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedactedReader/pseuds/RedactedReader
Summary: Zuko could hear the ocean's call.  It offered to end it all for him. He only needed to go under its waves.
Relationships: Iroh & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Zuko's Interactions With Spirits [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1786978
Comments: 13
Kudos: 483
Collections: Zuko_angsty_and_cuddly





	Ocean's Call

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Bad Things Happen Bingo: Drowning  
> Active Warnings for Suicide attempts

He resolved to do it the moment the doctor gave him the go all to leave the infirmary. He departed from inside the cold ship, stumbling from his distorted vision, and all but hurled himself towards the ships railing. His fingers gripped into the steal and he stared down at the turning dark water. It taunted him, urging him to join him within its waters. Tears formed within his gaze as he watched the waves turning around the bow of the ship. Gripping the railing, he closed his eyes, allowing darkness to set over him. Zuko leaned forward, feeling the air dancing across his smooth scalp. His balance shifted and he waited for the impact. 

Warm hands pulled him back. He crashed against the ship, his knees making harsh contact with the metal. He felt a hand running along his unbandaged cheek. "Prince Zuko, look at me."

Zuko opened his eyes, only to be greeted by his Uncle't tear stained face. The retired general looked him over, golden eyes locked onto his owns. The tears in Iroh's eyes only set the resolve in Zuko.

"I slipped," Zuko lied, dropping his gaze. Iroh drew him close, resting the boy's head in the crevice of his shoulder. He wrapped both arms around him, trying to pull the boy as close to him as he could.

"I have you," Iroh breathed deeply.

The second time he tried to go over the ledge, it was actually his Lieutenant who stopped him. The sun had just begun to rise and Zuko had stared at an island in the distance before letting his balance take him over. His feet had left the ship this time, before Lieutenant Jee appeared out of no where and dragged him back. He had chastised him, lecturing him about being more careful out at sea. Zuko hadn't listened. He'd just let the words gloss over him, his attention drifting towards the sounds of the ocean below. 

He managed a third attempt before everyone finally caught on. It had been two months since the last and the bandages had been removed from his face. The doctor aboard had given him a mirror to see the damage. He had taken one look at the puckered skin that stretched over his face and that had done it. He threw the mirror across the room. As his Uncle moved to pick up the shattered glass, Zuko ran from the room. He ran through the steal halls and onto the deck. The setting evening sun cast a warm orange glow over him as he strode right to the bow of the ship. He got one hand on the rail and a foot up before he was dragged back kicking and screaming. Crying. Crying so hard he couldn't make out who was holding him back. 

He begged and pleaded, asking to be given the release. Wanting nothing more than to stop the pain. To end his mistake of his life. A warm liquid was passed through his lips. He was forced to swallow it - in his clouded mind he thought maybe it was ocean water. That they had granted his requested. It tasted of honey and spices. Zuko recognized his Uncle's tea. Droziness overtook him as the spiked tea entered his system.

When he woke, Zuko was in a somewhat comfortable bed. The air smelled of freshly overturned soil. He blinked, unsure of the green and brown room he resided in. Shifting his gaze, he spotted his Uncle sitting beside his bed. Upon meeting his gaze, Iroh leaned forward, gripping Zuko's shoulder.

"I am here Prince Zuko," he spoke slowly and carefully like his voice might shatter the fragile glass Zuko was built of. "Please, talk to me my nephew."

"I slipped." The lie fell from Zuko's lips. He knew his Uncle didn't believe him. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

All of it was a lie. He was only sorry to still be alive. Sorry that he was causing pain to yet another member of his family. It was all he did. Hurt them. Disappoint them. Destroy them. Uncle would realize it soon. He would leave him, like mother. Throw him out, like father. He needed to end it before it got to that point. Before he hurt himself.

"Talk to me," Iroh pressed. "Please, Prince Zuko. Talk to me."

Zuko closed his eyes and rolled over. "I'm tired."

Iroh's sigh echoed through the small room. He removed his hand from Zuko's shoulder and stood. Zuko creaked an eye open, watching as the man set to work at the stove across the room. He set a tea pot on it and began sorting out some leaves. There was a sad hum to his lips. Zuko was thankful for the sound. He closed his eyes, letting the gentle hum take him back to sleep.

They stayed in the dinky little Earth Kingdom inn for another week before the call of the sea began again. Uncle always made an excuse as to why they couldn't return to the ship yet. It needed repairs. The ports weren't open to travel. The sea was too rough to be on. It was always an excuse.

After another few days, Zuko woke with the sun gone and the moon high in the sky. He dragged himself from the bed, pushing the curtain back to glance outside. The moon was a bright white light against the milky dark sky. There were a few stars dotted out. The city was quiet below them, the people of Earth having no desire to travel in the night. The docks were on the other side of town. A small cliff was slightly off to the left of his window. Zuko turned back to his Uncle, asleep in the second bed roll. His Uncle had been up most nights watching over him. Zuko would wake from a nightmare, only to find him already nursing a cup of tea. It seemed those nights had finally caught up to him. 

He considered going out the front door but thought better of it. There was a creak in the third plank from the bed rolls. The hinge of the door whined once halfway open. He turned back towards the window. Placing a foot on the window seal, Zuko pushed himself out. He balanced on the edge, looking down. There were two stories below him. He steeled himself, stepping back from the edge. He fell for a moment before he caught the edge of the window below him. Closer to the ground, he dropped. His feet hit the ground and he ran.

He was thankful for the dark brown tunic and pants he sported as it allowed him to blend into the night as he raced towards the cliffs ledge. It only took a few moments of running before his feet pressed against damp grass. A light rain danced over him as he kept running. 

His feet touched open air. There was a moment were he seemed to be running on the air itself before his weight dragged him down. He feel fast. He fell hard. He crashed head first into the turning ocean and let it take him. He sunk deeper and deeper until some survival instinct inside him overshadowed his desire to remain under. Zuko broke surface and gasped. His lungs burned. 

The rush of water greeted him as a large wave landed on top of him. It pushed him under and up again, slamming him against the jagged rocks that trapped him. A second wave came, slamming him again. The jagged stone cut into his back and tore his clothes. His head was bleeding from the repeated assault of the waves. His lungs burned and burned and he gasped for air that only allowed more water to enter his lungs. 

A rushing wave landed right on top of him, sending him under the foaming sea. Zuko was disoriented, unsure which way the surface was. It didn't matter. He floated through, allowing the water to fill him and extinguish the flame within his veins. He was drowning, this he knew. 

He didn't care. Zuko went limp within the water's embrace. His golden gaze grew dark and dull as his eyelids struggled to flutter closed. The part between his lips grew as the rushing waves forced themselves within him.

It was the most dishonorable way to go for a firebender. To have one's flames put out by the unforgiving hands of water meant one's soul would never meet the warm embrace of Agni themselves. Zuko was fine with that. He didn't deserve to meet that warmth. 

As easily as he was sinking, Zuko began to rise. He surfaced from the depths of the ocean. A gentle rolling wave brushed him up onto a sandy shore. He struggled to breath as a cool hand ran up his back. Pushing himself up by his elbows he vomited water all over the beach from. That cool hand continued to massage the water from his lungs. After several moments, and the water finally released from his lungs, Zuko opened his eyes. 

Zuko dragged himself to his feet. He was tired and sore and still struggling to breath. The cold light of the moon washed over him. As he struggled to stand, he took in the being before him. Skin as dark as the night sky was matched with flowing silver hair and eyes that twinkled like a calm sea. She wore a dress of dark blue that shimmered in the light. Her hand reached out, running that familiar cool touch against his cheek.

"No, my child." Her voice was crystal. "This is not the way." 

A rough cough gripped Zuko's throat. He bent over, expelling more water. When he rose again, the figure was gone, like she had never been there before. The light from the moon still embraced him. 

The call from the depths of the ocean still tinted his hearing. But it wasn't as taunting and it wasn't as cruel. Wrapping his arms around himself, Zuko began to back away from the ocean water. He turned, slowly trudging back towards the inn.

He didn't know if the call would grace him again. Wouldn't know if he would try it again. But for now, that cool touch was rested on his shoulder, urging him back towards the only home he had left.


End file.
